We’ve all been there before…sitting at the airport…patiently waiting at the gate for our flight to board…excited to kick off our “much needed” vacation…then the announcement…

“This flight has been DELAYED”

Of course, just as soon as you hear the word “Delayed” a series of negative reactions ensue:
​
"I told her to book the earlier flight, why did she not listen and book this one!"
"This always happens to me!"
"Who is responsible for this!?"
"There goes my vacation!"
[sound familiar?]

These reactions are referred to as Second Darts. Second darts most often serve no real purpose and disproportionately harm us compared to the inevitable first darts. Simply, they are a result of the mind reacting negatively to the experience.

When first darts don’t even exist
One of the saddest parts of all is that many first darts don’t even exist — they are entirely drummed up in our mind.

Have you ever thought about the scenario of your boss calling you into their office to tell you that you’ve been laid off. Perhaps you’ve been called out in meetings the past few weeks and are feeling less than comfortable about your work product. On top of that, you’ve heard rumors circulating around the office that layoffs are coming soon! So what do you do???
Naturally, you fire off a first dart → I’m going to get laid off. Then, the second darts ensue….

"How am I going to pay for my son’s school!?"
"We are going to have to move in with my parents because I can’t afford our mortgage!"
"The market is terrible, how the heck am I going to find a job!?"
"My wife is going to think I’m a failure!"

Wait. Wait. Wait. You are now thinking about moving in with your parents (which is more than likely depressing you and affecting your current mood) based of an entirely hypothetical situation — getting laid off. Doesn’t this seem crazy?

Negative reactions to positive events
Sometimes we actually react negatively to situations that are inherently positive in nature. Think about a time whenever something that was supposed to be great for you actually resulted in you thinking about it in a negative light.

So your boss just offered you a great opportunity at work to step up and take on a bigger role → you can’t stop thinking about whether or not you’ll fail and disappoint (second dart)…

"What if I look dumb in a meeting with Executives?"
"I’m not supposed to be in charge of something this important?"
Am I even smart enough to do this?
"So what’s happening in the brain"

​It is extremely important to realize that even just thinking about a first dart kicks off a series of effects on the body. To paint the picture a bit more, here is the chain of events that occur once a first dart is set off in the untrained mind.

First Dart: Getting laid off from work…

1. The thalmus (this is the “relay station” in the middle of your brain) sends an alert signal to your brain stem — causing a release of norepinephrine throughout your brain.
2. The sympathetic nervous system (SNS) sends signals to your major organs and muscle groups preparing them to“fight or flight”.
3. The hypothalamus (the brain’s main regulator of the endocrine system) prompts the pituitary gland to signal the adrenal glands to release epinephrine (adrenaline) and cortisol — better known as the “stress hormones”.

How to avoid second darts
The good thing about all of this is that with a little bit of self-awareness and positive filtering of your thoughts, you can save your body and mind from the negative physiological and psychological impacts.Here are a few ways:
​

• Accept the inevitable (first darts) — no use crying over spilled milk. Pain and heartache are some terrible aspects of life, but are outweighed by the greatness of it all.
• Look on the bright side — find the positive side of what just happened. Your flight got delayed…go walk around the airport and get some exercise before you have to sit for 4hrs. You are getting laid off…finally you get a chance to find a job you actually want!
• Be mindful of your thoughts — start by noticing when a second dart (or hypothetical first dart) arises and just acknowledge that it’s there. Over time, you’ll notice the second darts won’t try to come in anymore because they know you won’t grasp on to them. Try MeditateBot to start forming a daily meditation practice.
• Practice makes perfect — your brain is a muscle and needs to be trained. The more you act or believe a certain way those neural pathways are strengthened.
• Think about what’s happening in the brain — just knowing that these negative thoughts are sending signals to your body and causing unnecessary stress is sometimes all you need to catch them before you start.
• Relax your body and breathe slow — by doing this you will activate the calming part of your nervous system and halt the fight-or-flight area.
• Understand second darts are unnecessary — our brains have an evolutionary bias to focus on the negative. This was of course back when we roamed with deadly lions and bears and needed to focus our attention on what might harms us.

“There is only one way to happiness,” Epictetus taught the Romans, “and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” 
― Dale Carnegie, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

Eric Rems
Co-founder, The Mindful Tech Lab - Check out all of our amazing apps to help improve your life here

Wanting to understand how humans were engaging with bots, I decided to create a simple Facebook Messenger bot called MotivateBot — which sends motivational quotes every morning, and on demand, to inspire you throughout your day. Oh, it knows a few jokes too.

After just a few days live, I was surprised as to how many people were engaging with it and probably even more surprised that VentureBeat actually featured it as one of their “5 Bots To Try This Week”.

What is super interesting to me with this project is that I’m able to watch users engage with the technology in near real time — kinda like peeking through the looking glass of how humans interact with machines. Most of the interactions I’ve seen were expected, but one thing that has really stuck out is how many people actually say “thanks” to the bot. Never really saw this coming.

As someone who builds technology products for a living, this interaction came off as incredibly peculiar…I mean, have you ever seen anyone thank the Weather app on their iPhone when it provides the daily forecast? Or what about thanking MS Word when it successfully saves a document? I’m guessing the answer is NO.

The fact that conversations are so innate to human beings, gives the chat interface a chance to go beyond what has been done in the past with the standard UI. Perhaps to a place that builds lasting relationships, and maybe most importantly, a sense of trust between the human and the technology (or the brand in front of the tech).

If you think about it, when a human is interacting with a bot in the same way that they would interact with their friends/family, it’s hard not to see it as a deeper type of relationship than when they are just tapping around in an app. For any companies servicing customers through tech, take note.
​
While saying “Thanks!” to a chatbot may just seem like a one-off interaction to many, I personally think it’s one of those unique proof points that ultimately foreshadows the success of the conversational interface.

Eric Rems
Co-founder, The Mindful Tech Lab - Check out all of our amazing apps to help improve your life here

With bits and pieces of my personal and professional story scattered across the web, I felt that depending on where someone began, they weren’t getting the full picture (in the way I wanted to present myself). That's why several years ago I decided to purchase the domain ericrems.com and create my central portal and starting point for all things Eric Rems.
​
Here are 5 reasons why you should purchase your domain name today (see #3 below) and start building your personal website today.

1. You're More Than a Static Resume. Tell Your Story.
Unlike a traditional resume, your website gives future employers a better look into your real personality and achievements. With hiring managers receiving hundreds of resumes, your personal website is a sure fire way to stand out in the crowd. For me, it helps more effectively breakout my startup experience vs. my “traditional” career path, something that is very challenging to do on a resume.

Check out how Nina Mufleh’s creative personal site caught the eye of Airbnb CEO Brian Chesky and landed her an interview.

​2. People Google You. Own The Results.
The majority of people searching online don’t make it past the first page of search results. Owning a FirstnameLastname.com domain and building out your site is the simplest way to move your personal website up the ranks and secure the top search result.
​
This man was arrested then acquitted of all charges, yet an article from a local newspaper on his arrest remained the top search result for his name.

​3. Security.
A domain name costs less than a beer nowadays. That to me is a cheap hedge against somebody else owning your domain name and directing it to who the hell knows where. Even if you don’t plan on building out your site just yet, do yourself a favor and purchase your unique domain name.
​
Look no further than 2016 presidential candidates TedCruz.com and CarlyFiorina.org to see this in action.

​4. Build and Control Your Personal Brand.
We are all CEO’s of our personal brand — “Me, Inc.”. Companies know the importance of creating a brand message and actively communicating that message to consumers (Mercedes -> Luxury). A personal website is a great way to communicate your brand to potential employers, clients and others who may be “Googling” you.

5. Create Your Central Hub.
You’re everywhere on the internet…Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram, etc…but where do people begin? Just like an introduction to a book, your personal website serves as an overview and jumping off point to your story (the way you want people to read it). Think of it as your “Master Profile”.

Eric Rems
Co-founder, The Mindful Tech Lab - Check out all of our awesome apps here!